CASE STUDIES
A few of my clients very kindly agreed to share their stories, I hope you are inspired as I am by them…
No Longer Limited by Unhelpful Labels
I was introduced to the Option Process when I worked as a volunteer as part of a Son-Rise program. At that time I had no idea how enlightening and inspirational the process could be in offering me a way to take control of my feelings and emotion, and work from the inside out into being a happier person.
I spent several years making myself more and more familiar with the Option Process, revelling in the concept that at any given moment I could allow myself to ‘choose happiness’. There was however still a part of me in which I held beliefs which my solo endeavours with the process did not expose. I still felt a victim of loneliness, hopelessness and labelled myself as a failure.
I was introduced to Rekha when I worked with her in her own Son-Rise program. At the time her zealous approach to checking in with our beliefs was striking to me and I saw her as a living example of how effective the process could be. It took some time for me to take the plunge, but when I found out she had been Certified as an Option Process Mentor, I made the decision to regularly use the Option Process dialogue to explore my beliefs with her. I had experienced many dialogues previously as a Son-Rise volunteer, but knowing that our hour together on the phone was dedicated to whatever I wanted to talk about is very special to me.
Through my early life I had taught myself to ‘bottle’ my feelings and there were some things I just didn’t speak about to anyone, from the get go Rekha made me feel safe to expose myself. I was not long before I had liberated myself from the beliefs behind long standing ‘issues’, such as the one I held that I was not good enough to be in an intimate relationship. I also use the tool for specific moments in life when I find myself experiencing emotion and feeling that I either don’t want to feel or from I feel detached and unable to explain. I had seen myself as a victim of the judgement of others in my workplace, but through dialogue with Rekha, I had decided that this did not have to be the case!
I continue to practice the Option Process and I feel committed as a ‘student of myself’. With the help of Rekha and our dialogues and have made big steps in allowing myself to choose my beliefs to the extent where unhappiness is absent where it once would have overwhelmed me. I feel much more able as a person as I am not limited by the labels I had previously given myself. Other people make a point of how different I have become in terms of my happiness. The fact that I am now with someone is evidence in practice of how much this process has worked for me, as there was once a time when I had convinced myself that I was not good enough to be with anyone…. Thanks Rekha!
Jack, Accident and Emergency Nurse, UK.
From Bi Polar to happy relaxed and energised!
I live my husband and two kids. Daniel is coming up for five, Matthew is three and a half. Daniel has special needs. He has severe Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. Neither of the boys have been potty trained and both have behaviours can be challenging and life can be quite tough.
When I started working with Rekha just a year ago, I had Bi Polar Disorder. This was quite severe and affected me very deeply. I took two different mood stabilisers and two different anti depressants daily and have done for fourteen years. I did struggle with this and my mental health it was like a roller coaster. This had a knock on effect on my relationships. As a result of this I have regular input from Family Intensive Support Services. They really helped.
Due to having to give up work to look after Daniel fulltime due to his disabilities, were and are still suffering financial hardship. This had an effect on our relationship and our stability as a family. This has produced real stresses and strains and has made life very uneasy and problematic. Because I was constantly worried about money I was very depressed and this means I was withdrawn and do not relate happily with my husband or with my children. This has led towards a breakdown in my relationship with my husband, we were very rocky.
I was also going through worries regarding the Statement of Educational Needs for my son Daniel. We were having to go to Tribunal because the Local Educational Authority are not giving what we request for Daniel due to budgetary constraints. This is very stressful. I am friends with Rekha on FaceBook due to our similar backgrounds in some areas. Rekha saw my post on FaceBook relating how tough things were and offered to talk if I wanted. I did want to. So we talked. For over an hour! And it really helped. Rekha mentioned what she did for a living and I was interested. This is how I started into the Option Process Dialogue.
I booked a block of ten sessions and also attended a one day workshop. From the outset I found it really helped me. I had not seen my parents for four and a half years due to a disagreement that turned our relationship sour. After the first session in talking and exploring with Rekha I felt strong enough to put all the hurt behind me and be the first to make contact and to build bridges with my parents. I contacted them and have not looked back since. We are re-building our lives and really enjoying ourselves along the way. Rekha helped me to see that actually just because I felt my parents felt a certain way about me, it may not necessarily be correct.
I was measuring what I thought they felt by my own yardstick and not seeing the full picture. I learnt to appreciate that my parents may not actually dislike me at all. That they are probably desperate to see the boys, and to re-kindle the bonds that were severed.
Over the sessions we explored deeply what it is like to be a parent of a child with special needs. We have explored what it means to worry. I am a natural born worrier. I worry about all manner of things, and if there is nothing significant in my life to concern me then I still manage to find something to worry about. But my dialogues with Rekha have changed all this. I now question myself. What am I motivating myself to do by worrying? How does this make me feel to be worrying constantly? How do I want to feel? It is so empowering. It makes you take ownership of your beliefs. It makes you realize that you are the one that is in control. I have learnt to stop worrying since dialoguing with Rekha. I feel so enlightened. So in control. And so much happier. More relaxed about things.
I once tried to come off my medication. A long time ago. This had disastrous consequences and was something I was not ready to go through again any time soon. But with conversing with Rekha I felt ready to give it another go. I have so far successfully come off two out of the four meds that I was on. I have so much more energy I do occasionally feel emotional but I know I am in control this time. I am now looking forward to coming off the other two when the time is right for me, which may be quite soon!
My neurons are forming new pathways, paths without the dulling of drugs. This is all a new journey. One that I am really enjoying and finding totally enlightening. I realize that there is no loss, only gains and that all happens for benefit. I am gradually finding myself in a place where I feel it is ok if I am a little tearful after coming off my final anti depressant. It is just me learning to feel again and is me normalizing. I mustn’t panic. I love talking with Rekha. She is so calm and peaceful. And kind and thoughtful. And insightful.
By Sally Huggett, Registered nurse, Brighton, UK.
Lifting the weight of negativity for a brighter future
As I sit here and write this I consider my journey so far. I start to realise the changes I have made, two years ago I was a very different person. Previously I was extremely negative, judgemental and basically miserable. My head was on the go all of the time, so much so that it hurt! Everything that did happen or might happen was put through my filter of measuring everything as a pass or a fail. Negativity came very easy, judgements of everything and everybody were made, after a full analysis through my negative head. I viewed everything I did or didn’t do to be at fault. I was continuously looking at a blank page and then looking for negatives.
Disappointment, unfavourable, bad and pessimistic thoughts were all so easy to access. Positive thoughts and comments went against the grain, if anything positive came up, then I would immediately weigh it down with a series of negative possibilities. I felt that I was not good enough at everything I did, and repeatedly set my own expectations high in everything, so that I then experienced the disappointments I seemed to want or need. For example; I was driving the car with my autistic son in the back. The weather was bad and I was driving in snow. I considered as I was driving, how I was a bad mother, driving in the awful conditions. If we crashed and I was killed or could not help him, then I would not be there to explain to the emergency services people that he is autistic. Therefore when he doesn’t answer their questions they would think he was badly hurt, when in fact he wasn’t and consequently they would give him medical treatment he would not require! This was one very quick process of thought and then I would move to the next one. I was exhausted, I regularly felt paranoid, I started to isolate myself and was unable to concentrate for any length of time.
Basically I folded. This low point was January 2011. I was unable to function so was off work and seeking counselling from my GP. Due to a waiting list I decided I had to do something for myself. I had completed the Son-Rise start up course where dialogues where explained and not able to do anything for myself I booked a session with Rekha because I wanted to move forward with my son’s program and I was not fit to do so. It was difficult to describe but after my first session with Rekha I felt different. The pathway was obvious, very scary, but I knew I had felt better after one session, so I booked ten sessions with Rekha.
Looking at my notes from my sessions with Rekha, I can see some comments/remarks I made in my dialogue, and I can remember how massive they seemed at the time. Now they seem obvious, straight forward and I can laugh as I read them. Attempting to initially be aware of my thoughts and feelings, then attempt to counter balance an easy negative thought with a positive one. The notion of happiness is a choice, accepting what I do is the best I can at this time, seemed totally impossible. Lowering the bar seemed difficult, but worth working on, along with letting myself off the hook. The prospect of reducing the analysis in my head all of the time was a goal that was definitely worth working towards. Also protecting myself, for over 30 years, experiencing being scared of being happy, making myself a victim in most cases was a habit that was going to be difficult to break. Because I had hit rock bottom and could not function in my current roles, I had to try and make changes. I can remember considering the place of happiness that Rekha described, which seemed like an impossibility for me.
Step by step, looking at different areas of my choosing, I started to feel the weight lifting. It is not something you can just start to do it does take time and practice, but after two or three sessions, over a time scale of one month, I started to feel confirmation within myself that it was the right thing to do. In July 2011 I went back to work, and my journey continued. I still have a book with positive comments and affirmations that helps me, but I am a completely different person. I can sit down and relax ,without guilt, I laugh about experiences that I would have viewed as tragic before. I still am me, with my lists to do and controlling nature, but I now have a firm belief that happiness is a choice. I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness other than my own. (That itself took off such a weight!) During dialogues Rekha was so accepting and non judgemental with everything I said. So encouraging, leaving me with things to consider in between dialogues. I am still on my exciting journey and still love to have dialogues, but my family and I are so grateful to have the new me, which is a direct outcome of the amazing work of Rekha.
By Lucy Horsely, Mum, Year Manager for Sixth Form, Uk.
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“Rekha was a wonderful teacher. She managed to keep me engaged and interested throughout, giving tangible examples to help my understanding. This Workshop helped me in many ways, feeling confident and appreciate myself and showing appreciation around me.”
“Workshop helped change my beliefs, grow my self-confidence and be happy with what I am now.”
“This workshop gives you really good tools both for work and other reflections. It has been an adventure.”