If you know me, you know I love to talk :).  When conversing with most people and even clients when I ask them how they feel they often say “fine”.

Fine means many things in many contexts and in English we tend to make it mean “ok”, but it is not a feeling word.

On many occasions I have used ‘fine’ to avoid conversing with someone I don’t want to share with. So I could be feeling really awful inside but I have used ‘fine’ as gloss so I don’t have to share what I am really thinking. Can you count how many times you have done the same???
There are always good reasons why we do this here are a few:-

  • You might feel vulnerable if you shared how you felt, you might be frightened that the other person might judge you?
  • You may not be in touch with how you feel, i.e. have not created the awareness?
  • May be you are too scared to look at how you feel? and your reaction if you said it out loud?
  • Or perhaps worried the other person hearing it may take it badly and be upset.
I could theorize many, many more reasons.
So is there a problem with feeling “fine” all the time?
Of course not it is totally ok to describe yourself this way and live out your life but it like everything it has consequences, here are some:-
  • You never share how you really feel, so most people hold themselves, their potential and their relationships back by hiding behind the mask of “fine”.
  • No body really gets to know you. Many people in their end stages of life have reported that their biggest regret was that they never opened themselves up and consequently no one ever knew them, they felt very lonely all their lives and now at their time of need.
  • Never allow yourself to enjoy sharing your love and to tell and show people how much you care for them. Again many people in their end stages in life are regretful of not telling those they held dear how much affection they held for them.
  • You spend your time fearing something that might never happen, it could be that those around you really value you even more for being open about how you are feeling rather than go to judge you.
  • Many people I know that use “fine” tend to use anger as the only other acceptable emotion. This is because they bottle up all the emotion and then it comes out as stress, frustration and anger. This of course has more consequences for your relationships and your on your physical and mental health.
  • I believe bottling things up also eventually manifests itself as disease in your body.
  • Not creating awareness and acknowledging what is going on for you holds you back from understanding yourself and changing and hence makes you a victim of your environment. You are always reliant on someone or something else changing to make you feel good.  One of the things I am most grateful for is having friends around me that I can share with and say how I feel out loud, they have sometimes just listened and sometimes asked me a question which has been such an amazing gift for me to find my own answers and inner peace.
So what do you want for yourself?
If you want something different, do something different!  I have many ways to help you, I can use the Option process dialogue and also have many interactive workshops that will help you learn tools to do just this for yourself get in touch…can’t wait to talk to you.
Rekha 🙂
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