Looking at my notes from my sessions with Rekha, I can see some comments/remarks I made in my dialogue, and I can remember how massive they seemed at the time. Now they seem obvious, straight forward and I can laugh as I read them. Attempting to initially be aware of my thoughts and feelings, then attempt to counter balance an easy negative thought with a positive one. The notion of happiness is a choice, accepting what I do is the best I can at this time, seemed totally impossible. Lowering the bar seemed difficult, but worth working on, along with letting myself off the hook. The prospect of reducing the analysis in my head all of the time was a goal that was definitely worth working towards. Also protecting myself, for over 30 years, experiencing being scared of being happy, making myself a victim in most cases was a habit that was going to be difficult to break. Because I had hit rock bottom and could not function in my current roles, I had to try and make changes. I can remember considering the place of happiness that Rekha described, which seemed like an impossibility for me.
Step by step, looking at different areas of my choosing, I started to feel the weight lifting. It is not something you can just start to do it does take time and practice, but after two or three sessions, over a time scale of one month, I started to feel confirmation within myself that it was the right thing to do. In July 2011 I went back to work, and my journey continued. I still have a book with positive comments and affirmations that helps me, but I am a completely different person. I can sit down and relax ,without guilt, I laugh about experiences that I would have viewed as tragic before. I still am me, with my lists to do and controlling nature, but I now have a firm belief that happiness is a choice. I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness other than my own. (That itself took off such a weight!) During dialogues Rekha was so accepting and non judgemental with everything I said. So encouraging, leaving me with things to consider in between dialogues. I am still on my exciting journey and still love to have dialogues, but my family and I are so grateful to have the new me, which is a direct outcome of the amazing work of Rekha.